Camino Series: Astorga, Day 24

6 June 2013

It's about finding truth in myself.

Walking has become therapy. I can move forward, feel my muscles, bones, nerves, joints… and breathing…. and accept the pain, accept the worries, judgements, fear, and incessant planning, and let them go. They all exist in me and will arise but they don't dictate the trajectory of my life negatively, only in the way I am supposed to go.

 I keep getting blisters. It was perplexing until I realized that there will always be pain, as in life, same on the camino. I could get angry or cry about it…. or accept it, live with it, and also let it go.

The walking is beautiful. I am so thankful for every day that passes, each day to put a foot in front of the next. I didn't even look at the guide book today, we just woke up and started walking.

how I'm feeling right now

excerpts from my journal entry today:

I kicked the wall of sand and a large portion of it shifted, sliding down as a whole, although it was comprised of many tiny particles. The part that slid was not where I kicked. 

I find it challenging to relax my body and give the earth all of my weight. But every time I feel my muscles tense, I release them. Every time I do it, I am helping. Despite how futile it might seem, every second I am mindful, I am kind to myself.

As I walked back, a small, perfect, pink rock presented itself to me. It matches my new (used) pink sweatshirt. I feel beautiful in these clothes, but I'm the only one to share that with, and that's okay with me.

I hear a small crackling noise behind me and to my right. I turn around and see a wing in the sand. I stare at it for a little while, feeling neutral, but curious. The wind reanimates its otherwise lifeless feathers. 

I am aware of how small I am and my fingers are cold, now. 

When I look in the mirror

I see something I haven't seen in a while:

A girl who is proud of herself

Knowing how hard it is to handle

The things she never imagined she'd have to go through

As she was growing up.

I smile and give myself a high five

Alex Mancini Photography