Figure 5.3

"Figure 5.3: He was wrong about the details. He thought the fire displaced the skin, which pulled a tiny thread, which opened a pore in the ventricle (F), which caused "animal spirit" to flow out through a hollow tube, causing the foot to withdraw (Descartes, 1664). But it was otherwise a good idea."

This is what I read in the chapter entitled "an empirical theory of the mind" in the book "consciousness explained" that I found in the "philosophy" section of "barnes and noble." I have come here because I was pulled by the mysterious force of my subconscious self, as I needed something to do in order to divert my attention from the frustration of missing a morning yoga class. I found that when spontaneously gifted a free hour to myself, I chose Barnes and Noble. So very original, Augusta.

Typically, I thoroughly enjoy planning, and I think I always have. I'm not sure why exactly, maybe because when I do find myself flung into my life untethered to activities, work, and their subsequent outcomes, I feel adrift and sometimes lost, sometimes free. The freedom I feel from not having a plan: I love. Feeling lost is undeniably terrifying. We all have free will; therefore we choose whichever thought path we go down.

I have a group of friends fondly referred to as "the barn kids." This term was assigned to them after they all lived together in a barn of functioning disarray behind my friend Robbie's parents' house. I grew up with Robbie, we go as far back as humanly possible-our mothers were friends before, during and after their pregnancies with us-which has sparked the term we refer to often when describing our friendship: "friends before the womb." I think "wombuddies" has a nice ring to it, but now I see it doesn't look too graceful in text, which is good to know for future reference.

Anyway, so out of all the social butterflies in the world, Robbie is one of the boldest. His heart seems to be an endlessly expanding vessel of good will and his life's work seems to be spreading fun and warm happy feelings to everyone and anyone he meets. Robbie is a man who lives entirely in the present moment, and whenever I am with them, I feel that all of his close friends and lovely girlfriend all practice the same mentality. Robbie and his friends have taught me that living without a plan can be one of the most valuable favors you can do for yourself. Moving and doing with this mentality produces the adrenaline rush that is one of the most invigorating I've ever experienced.

I've found that instead of filling my life with "should do's, need to do's, and want to do's," leaving the door of possibility open allows me to be more available. This availability is how we keep ourselves fully immersed in the ebb and flow of life;  through the ebb into retrospection and the flow into new experience. Unpredictability causes a rush that gets our brains excited, our blood pumping.  This is how we are meant to experience life. 

It's good for you, and whenever I give myself permission to let go of the "do's" I need to "do", I end up in a much better place than where I started, noticeably more relaxed and in touch with intuition. I feel a renewed sense of optimism, as if I have had a temporary lapse in almost incessant mind chatter that is directing me towards what I believe to be my invariable future. Which is both silly and impossible; any attempt to control our futures is futile, and I know it. yet the practicality of this knowledge conflicts with my desire to control it, which again loops me around to my previous point. Setting up the structure and then letting go of any expectations surrounding the outcome is essential in order to flow rather than resist. 

I suppose I should give some sort of explanation for the introduction to this blog post. To be honest, I had no idea I was going to write about this topic when I copied those few lines from that random book. But now, I can see how it is completely congruous to the topic that formulated itself as I wrote. Humans are always trying to dissect and consequentially understand the why and how of everything. That is why books like "consciousness explained" and "your soul contract decoded" and "exploring happiness from Aristotle to brain science" exist (I am literally just reading the titles on this bookshelf, I have never read any of them and therefore hold no opinion on their content). The ability to simply release the NEED TO EXPLAIN is an elemental part of the definition of freedom. THE IMPULSE TO KNOW what is going to happen next (in other words, planning our future) correlates to this concept in that it is an attempt to control what happens in our lives. I believe that these are both essential aspects of the ego and necessary for us to lead productive lives. However, they can be restricting if there is an imbalance with an abundance of inquisitive and controlling thoughts.

Being with my intuitive self and letting it take me wherever I feel drawn results in ultimate freedom, for I no longer need to know why I am headed there. Which is why I'm here, ready to dip back into my scheduled life (although today is my day off, HOORAY) after being brought here by my slightly discontented self of two hours ago when I realized I was not going to make it to yoga on time. Turns out I needed this time to be alone, think and write. Turns out I felt compelled to share it with you on this blog. Turns out I have no control over your opinion of my writing. But as it turns out, that's okay with me.